Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Public (Community) Service (Part 3)

n the other hand I dont want STNB(B) blog necessarily become a single issue blog (I mean like a blog explaining "how to" on everything) but like I said it was a good idea. So now here is the next installment on how to love a woman.

HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN
  • In learning how to love a woman it is important to determine first, what you mean by love a woman. For instance: if by "love a woman" you mean "bone a woman", you need to be able to spend moderate amounts of money on her (butter her up, etc). Also you could just get her drunk which might not cost as much.
  • It is also important to determine before hand who the woman is that your going to love. You need to know if she is in your class, or in where you work. Is she just that one hot chick that is always wearing short biker shorts when she walks her dog every morning at 8am or is she a hot blog chick like that one RIght Wing Sparkle babe? Each circumstances require a different aproach/finesse.
  • When you work out the logistics of how to get close to a woman depending on her situation (see #2) it is important to butter her up as mentioned in #1. Also remember by "butter her up" I mean in a figurative sense (not literal) unless she is some kind of freak which would be wicked awesome. BTW where does one find a woman like that?
  • The most common tool for buttering up a woman is buy her flowers. I can not stress enough that this is a mistake. Flowers are a major comitment for a women. Women in today's world are super busy with jobs and careers and being hot, etc. They dont need the extra work / frustration with being saddled with just another plant to take care of, water, etc. Plus flowers dont last. On the other hand, did you ever know a woman who didnt think puppies are cute? Take that as a cue. Bonus: they dont have to water a puppy as much as flowers.
  • If you are out with her or havent got to that base or are still working on your approach it is important to not get caught looking in her purse. As all guys know, every one wonders what hot chicks carry in their purse. Its usually a tin of altoids, lots of pens, makeup, chick wallet and sometimes one of those cigars that are wrapped in white paper and crimp at the end. Most women smoke these cigars but are realy shamed by it so you almost never see them do it.
  • Ask her out on a date because: A. That shows her you are in to her (again, in the figurative sense only btw) 2. Usualy when other women see you with a woman they equate that with your desirable, hence even if you dont score rigt away with her, you might score with someone who saw you, and C. you might see someone you know who totaly didnt believe that you went out with a woman. This is proof.
  • In harken back to #1 above, dont spend to much money on a date with her unless she is real hard to get drunk. If you go all out it will be a expectation for sub-sequent dates and if you dont up the anty you seriously blow your chances to score.
  • It is important to tell her early and often that you love her. Most chicks enter a relation ship with the misguided notion that the guy just wants to bone her. If you tell her you love her then she will let her guard down, which drasticaly improves your chances of scoring. The best way to remeber this tip is: "She doesnt care if you mean it, she just wants to hear you say it".
  • NEVER, under any circumstances EVER refer to her vag as a minge. It was awsome on South Park but their is no way to talk about it (minge) that is not awkward. If it comes up (minge) try to work it into the conversation in a context of innocent, subtel innuendo. For instance, in that one movie, they called it (minge) "the whispering eye". That sounds mysterious/exotic which chicks totaly dig.
  • If / when you score, try too have video set up before hand because: A. The guys arent going to believe it otherwise, B. You might need it for evidence that your love was consentual and D. when you break up it makes a real good keep sake. Also be sure too send her a copy regardless if you break up or not.

2 comments:

Anon. said...

so in that song "when a man loves a woman" is it pretty much the same situation? I was never able to figure that song out...

Anon.

Stop The Neocons Blog Guy said...

Theirs a song about that?