Hypothetical

Is their anything hotter than a hot chick named Vanessa?

Again Let Search Engine Results Steer Topics (Here)

Apparently neocons are having problems geting jobs now that Bush is out of the whitehouse. As evidence I have is that one neocon found this blog by searching: "Right Wing Nut Jobs". And instead of going to monster.com or craigslist he came here. So hear are some suggestions for jobs for right wing nuts:

• Landscaping: Perfect for right wing nuts because they dont have to be able to read. Just work a shovel and maybe promote to lawn mower.
• Steel: Any thing you have to work with steel to do is perfect for right wing nuts. They call it fabricating because that sounds like a skill but its really just means building things. Anyone can do that. Plus the steel industry is being increasingly gay friendly to which all right wing nuts can appreciate.
• Food Services: Because they have no skills or education, food services (Burger Kings) are perfect for right wing nuts. Not only can they get by without reading but theirs no math involved either. They just have to know what a burger looks like and push the coresponding button on the cashier screen. Counting is a plus. Also if their is a tragic grease accident, its no big deal because its just another right wing nut.
• Cops: The cops are a great place for right wing nuts because they get to play with guns which right wing nuts love to do. The downside and reason they shouldnt be given jobs here is that cops are always visible and when they beat up on minoritys its all over the news and people think that there representaive of our population as a whole.
• Tammy Bruce: Shes a poser and a right wing nut. Anyone could be her.

I hope this helps. Its not all the way comprehensive but should help steer some right wing nuts into jobs.

Public (Community) Service (Part 3)

n the other hand I dont want STNB(B) blog necessarily become a single issue blog (I mean like a blog explaining "how to" on everything) but like I said it was a good idea. So now here is the next installment on how to love a woman.

HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN

• In learning how to love a woman it is important to determine first, what you mean by love a woman. For instance: if by "love a woman" you mean "bone a woman", you need to be able to spend moderate amounts of money on her (butter her up, etc). Also you could just get her drunk which might not cost as much.

• It is also important to determine before hand who the woman is that your going to love. You need to know if she is in your class, or in where you work. Is she just that one hot chick that is always wearing short biker shorts when she walks her dog every morning at 8am or is she a hot blog chick like that one RIght Wing Sparkle babe? Each circumstances require a different aproach/finesse.
  

• When you work out the logistics of how to get close to a woman depending on her situation (see #2) it is important to butter her up as mentioned in #1. Also remember by "butter her up" I mean in a figurative sense (not literal) unless she is some kind of freak which would be wicked awesome. BTW where does one find a woman like that?

• The most common tool for buttering up a woman is buy her flowers. I can not stress enough that this is a mistake. Flowers are a major comitment for a women. Women in today's world are super busy with jobs and careers and being hot, etc. They dont need the extra work / frustration with being saddled with just another plant to take care of, water, etc. Plus flowers dont last. On the other hand, did you ever know a woman who didnt think puppies are cute? Take that as a cue. Bonus: they dont have to water a puppy as much as flowers.
  

• If you are out with her or havent got to that base or are still working on your approach it is important to not get caught looking in her purse. As all guys know, every one wonders what hot chicks carry in their purse. Its usually a tin of altoids, lots of pens, makeup, chick wallet and sometimes one of those cigars that are wrapped in white paper and crimp at the end. Most women smoke these cigars but are realy shamed by it so you almost never see them do it.

• Ask her out on a date because: A. That shows her you are in to her (again, in the figurative sense only btw) 2. Usualy when other women see you with a woman they equate that with your desirable, hence even if you dont score rigt away with her, you might score with someone who saw you, and C. you might see someone you know who totaly didnt believe that you went out with a woman. This is proof.

• In harken back to #1 above, dont spend to much money on a date with her unless she is real hard to get drunk. If you go all out it will be a expectation for sub-sequent dates and if you dont up the anty you seriously blow your chances to score.

• It is important to tell her early and often that you love her. Most chicks enter a relation ship with the misguided notion that the guy just wants to bone her. If you tell her you love her then she will let her guard down, which drasticaly improves your chances of scoring. The best way to remeber this tip is: "She doesnt care if you mean it, she just wants to hear you say it".

• NEVER, under any circumstances EVER refer to her vag as a minge. It was awsome on South Park but their is no way to talk about it (minge) that is not awkward. If it comes up (minge) try to work it into the conversation in a context of innocent, subtel innuendo. For instance, in that one movie, they called it (minge) "the whispering eye". That sounds mysterious/exotic which chicks totaly dig.

• If / when you score, try too have video set up before hand because: A. The guys arent going to believe it otherwise, B. You might need it for evidence that your love was consentual and D. when you break up it makes a real good keep sake. Also be sure too send her a copy regardless if you break up or not.
  

Opinion

I have to tell you now that if Heath LEdger does not win a couple of oscars and a life time achievemet award for his inspiring body of work in Brokeback Mountain, Batman and The Goonies then it will be the worst injustice since that one ElNachie guy didnt get the Nobel Prize.

This is serious!

Epiphany (another)

This came to me when I was thinkig about the guy from instapunk who was being throw to the wolves on the weekend (hope its not Emerson).

It all goes back to are man, Barrack Obama who has said that we (America) should have a discussion about race. Well leave it open-ended like that and we have the makings of a disaster in the making because Americans are not as polished as are European counterparts. Their would be fighting and bloodshed (metaphoricaly speaking) and in the end nothing would be done. Thats not what I think Obama would want. I think he would qualify his staement a little and say:

"It's time for white America to have a discussion on race and when its over let black America know what you came up with."

I think this is the only way to hash this out without fighting / arguing.

Epiphany (ong story, bear with me)

Let me preface this by mentoining it is sometimes behooves high profile blogers like myself to pour out are hearts into our blog because that is real good for blog world cred. Think about it.

Tonight as I was browsing throug some old blogs I came across a neocon blog that was talking about Barrick Obama. It (they) was all in a indignent tone (writing) talking about a quote that Obama had:

My job this morning is to be so persuasive…that a light will shine through that window, a beam of light will come down upon you, you will experience an epiphany, and you will suddenly realize that you must go to the polls and vote for Barack.

That quote (brillant oratoricalmanship to be honest) got me thinging about last time I had a epiphany. It went something like this:

I was in polsci 101 (politcal science 101) class (college class (community college)) and the discussion on that particular day was about the folly of Regans ludicrus economic policys (tirckle down theorys etc) and how they wrecked the USSR (selfishly) and set them back 20 years and only finaly coming back in to there own.

Anyways their was this chick in the class that had real great legs and a leather skirt and she was saying something (cant remember what). She was had like REALY dark hair and had those big ear rings (hoops). Which reminds me (not relevent to this story but interesting note), I touched her hair one time and she turned around and acted irritated but I was real smooth about it by pretending I was shuffling some papers. I think she bought it. But so after I touched her hair and things got back to normal I was smelling my fingers because I was curiuos if her hair scent would rub off on my fingers beause not only was she totaly hot, but she smelled like a angel. Kind of a melon and cucumber sent to be honest. I also found myself, like when she would go into her purse for gum or pens, etc, I would always be trying to steal a glance on what was in her purse. Because isnt that what you always wonder? What do totaly hot chicks carry in there purse?

Then I had my epiphany. I dont know how to decribe it other than it was a sudden realization about a great and momentous truth. Just like out of a bolt of the blue it struck me:

If I am so interested in about how this chick looks (great legs) and smells good and whats in her purse and how sometimes she stains a little lipstick on the rim of her coffee cup and you can see the natural indentations and ridges makeing up the natral structure of her lips (which were real full to), I just cant be gay.

Their is a real long story to that epiphany but it makes sense and it all goes back to this informative and well-written post by (my idle) Andrew Sullivan about "gay-chicken" in which guys almost kiss but then dont.

See their was this time in my youth when I some times had anger issues (dad isolated and neglectful emotional cripple and mom alcoholic) but I have addressed those greater issues in group. It was along time ago anyways, time to let bygones be bygones (2006). But their was this time wen I was in a confrontation with this dude (last name Jex....cant remeber first name but I use to call him Jacksoff hahah).

Anyways he (Jexoff) was real mad at me about something I said and he was all up in my face
and usally I didnt get into fights with people that were my fault. For instance their was this one time when another dude came to my house and told me to stop (alleged) harassing his sister (misunderstanding) and then wehn he left I lost my footing and accidentaly punched him in the back of the head (2005). But this guy (Jacksoff) wouldnt turn around and I am not the kind to back down (honor) so I stood my ground.

You know how some times in pro-wrestling the two guys who hate each other are in the wring and arguing and they keep getting closer and closer until there noses almost touch? Well that was what this situation was like. So the antagonist in this instance (Jex) (cant rremember his first name) was right in my face and yelling and I admittedly was yelling back and we just kept getting closer and closer (like in wrestling) and then I dont know what came over me but are lips accidentaly touched for just a split second and but he kept arguing so I dont think he noticed as much as I did. Actually I think are lips probaly accidentaly touched three times but the last time it was becasue someone pushed me into him.

Also let me point out as stated in the body of my epiphany (in bold and italiacs above), I am not gay.


Anyways, that post my the great Andrew Sullivan yesterday brought it all home. See, its not like a couple accidental kisses with a guy (in a argument) makes some one gay. It was just a real heated game of Gay Chicken.